Tinder, Tinder, who’s the fittest of them all…?

Hey! It’s your favourite unhinged and self loathing writer! And boy do I have a doozy for my dear readers today.

So I was tinder swiping one fine morning. You know, one of those Monday mornings where you’re bored out of your minds because you don’t have a job, aren’t studying and no discernable hobbies to indulge in. I’m sure everyone can relate to that.

Anyway, where were we, Ahhh, Tinder. Tinder, Tinder ,Tinder. So I’m just wiping away mindlessly, without even bothering to look at anyone’s neatly groomed faces, their maximum creative efforts to get laid or their highly questionable “jokes” on their bios…nu uh couldn’t care less about any of these desperate possible serial killers. So you might be asking at this point “hmmm why is this person on tinder if he doesn’t even wanna dip their toes into the sacred dating pool?” And it’s a fair question.

I have a rather toxic relationship with dating apps (that’s “applications” for the lovely boomers) It started wayyyy back in high school. I got obsessed with sharing my profile with random people all over the world, all giddy and excited for a message or a like or any form of validation that made me feel like I was worthy after being told by my teacher’s I was unworthy all day. So I finally get home, take a quick shower and fire up my computer. To see a message, to see anything that might validate my existence. You have no idea of the significance of one like on one of his hastily clicked selfies. It was comforting, it was an escape, it was all I needed to shoo my worries away. The adrenaline rush of a person (preferably cute) choosing to talk to me and form a bond with me. According to them, I was perfect, I looked cute, I had such lovely eyes and my smiles were just otherworldly. Ofcourse I was too immature to know back then that this was a double edged sword if there ever was one. Think about it, I was using those gentlemen to keep me going through my 1/4th life crisis. They must be doing the same, right?

Yes, right. But it took me three extremely shitty and toxic relationships for me to figure that out. Why would a stranger on a dating site compliment you? I have a few theories, so please bear with me:

1) WELL DONE BROS: They feel pity for this loser and think they’re doing something good by atleast talking to them. And if in those 5 minutes of chatting livened their day sooooo much that they abandoned their plans of hanging themselves from a comically and astronomicaly high door knob, they basically become a Saint by default. That much be like, 5000000 karma points for them. Well done, bro

2) MWAHAHA: They’re a sociopath and a compulsive liar who get a boost out of getting a pathetic and hopeless dweebs hopes high. MWAHAHA Indeed

3) EASY RIDE TO BONETOWN: This particular respectable group of people are often referred to as “incels” or “fuckboys” They just have one organ in their bodies. And it limps until it doesn’t. Getting this organ of their’s wet is the only mission in life and for that determination and sacrifice I would salute you right now. I can’t cause I’m laying down and I’m very very tired. But you get the gist. We respect you Sirs. Hole-heartedly.

These three important geous of people aside, they’re plenty more, but like I said, I’m much too tired to go on. These past three paragraphs drained me of all joy. I just might quit writing altogether.

Back to the morning in question. I still like the matches I get. Gets me pumped up for the sad sad day ahead. And as usual, I got away with writing shower thoughts in the witching hour with no context or anything of substamce. Thank you for reading this far and I’ll see you very soon.

PS: I’d highly recommend to my readers to check their brain cells after they read one of my posts

Until then, stay safe, healthy and inside a comfortable bubble of ignorance cause this world doesn’t deserve you ❤️

Love,

Prady 😊